So, here I am again. Long time no see, eh?
I know I haven't written to you in a long time and sadly I've noticed the implications of that lately. Meaning the last ten years or so, I guess. Yeah, you know how I am these days. So I don't have to tell you.
But to cut to the point, I have to thank you for this opportunity to start this again. Thanks for your Son for making that great sacrifice that makes this possible. Let Him and His blood cleanse me whole. Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. Oh, sinned I have. Every day of this wretched life. Not that I would blame you for its wretchedness, I'm talking about what I've done to this life to make it as bad as it seems. You know my tresspassings: surfing on the net while at work and all that other procrastination, lusting after other women besides my own wife that you gave me, neglecting my children and their need of a father that is there for them, neglecting your word and the lessons you have given me. Neglecting You. Not telling my children enough about You. Not conversing with my wife about You. It has all been about me.
Yes, I can see that now. The selfishness. The want of my own comfort and ease in life. Putting my needs first. Shutting my eyes and my heart from the needs of others, even from those closest to me. Calling me a pharisee would be unfair towards pharisees. But enough self-pity.
Let me go forward. There is that me again, huh. But, it has to be there this time. I have to change for the good of my neighbours. I cannot be of any service to you this way. You would have to do what you do best to make me your servant. A good servant, I mean. I would really like that, although it seems to be over my head. I grasp at your grace, please make me yours. I just want to be yours. Make me want to be yours, sincerely, wholly and definitively.
Yours (?),
You know who.
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